Approval Addiction (People Pleasing)

QUICK UPDATE 

Goodness gracious, I cannot believe its been a WHOLE MONTH since I wrote my last update on here! Friends, I am SO SORRY for that!! Thank you so much for your patience and understanding as I navigate how best and how often to communicate with y’all on this platform!! As I’m sure you can tell, I’ve found that juggling keeping up with the socials, calling/texting friends and family back home, writing blogs, and being fully present here has been a serious challenge. I appreciate your continued prayer as I work to find a good balance of communication! 

Ok, let me catch you up on the past few weeks! My squad finished our two weeks of domestic missions (our girls served in Black Mountain, NC & our guys were in Jackson, Kentucky), we had a week long debrief in Georgia, and we traveled for five VERY long days to get to Siem Reap, Cambodia! We are staying at the AIM base in the city and will be partnering with various local ministries over the next two and half months. Blog updates coming on all of this in the near future provided I find wifi!

With all of that being said, today I want to talk about a topic very near and dear to my heart: people pleasing. Or, as Bill Swan would say, approval addiction. While in North Carolina, we sat under a few teachings and this one in particular impacted me the most. As someone who has deeply struggled with fear of man and a need for other’s approval, I was greatly encouraged and convicted by Bill’s message. I figured that if what was said had so greatly impacted me, how could I not share it with y’all?! So, I decided I would copy and expound upon my notes in this blog! It’s no shocking or great revelation, but practical truths and good reminders that I needed to hear.

 

APPROVAL ADDICTION (PEOPLE PLEASING)

Let’s start with approval versus acceptance. This topic is extremely delicate in our day and age, and I firmly believe that it is something that desperately needs to be addressed on a greater level. We first must understand the difference between these two words. Acceptance is the idea of choosing and loving someone regardless of their works or mistakes. Approval is the idea of affirming an action or lifestyle. It seems simple to distinguish the two, right? Unfortunately, it has become increasingly difficult for our society to separate and healthily apply these concepts. Culture has married the two. It believes that if we do not approve of someone’s actions and choices, then we therefore hate or reject them. When we find our worth in other’s approval of our actions or decisions, we are held up by their whim. Worse, if that person has a skewed understanding of acceptance and approval, then we are held captive by a constant uncertainty of their feelings towards us. Our every action determines our worth in their mind and, in turn, determines how we perceive our own self worth. WOW. That is EXHAUSTING. And, I know this because I lived the entirety of my high school career in the misery of this cycle. BUT, it does not have to be this way. Surprise surprise, it will take effort and work… as do most things in life. We must learn to change our mindset, but I promise you that it is SO worth it.

First, we must change how we view our worth. Where is our confidence and identity found?? Stop and genuinely answer that question. To what do you give the power of determining your worth? When our sense of self is found in the approval we gain from others, we are giving them control over our life in a way that only God was meant to have access to. When we put people in this position of control, we are saying that their ways hold higher value in our life than God’s. And, just like that, we have made an idol. We must check our hearts and continually remind ourselves and those around us that God determines our worth!! We are found and made new in Him and Him alone. The first step in making change is to become aware of this mindset and identify where you see it in your own life. Next, you might want to pull someone into the process for accountability. We are not called to walk this life alone. For the good and for the bad, we need people!

Second, we must change the lens through which we view those around us. As I mentioned before, the society we live in tries to convince us that the only way we can truly love everyone is by approving of whatever lifestyle or decision they make. Our subconscious is consistently being fed this message, and breaking out of it is often more difficult than we believe it to be. We must learn how to love and accept those around us without approving of their sin. In working to live this out, what better example to look to than God? Even in our sinful state, God chooses to love us and extend His grace and mercy. He does not approve of our sin and requires repentance and devotion. Even through our mistakes, however, He accepts us as his children. Approval is something to be earned, as it is conditional and based on our choice to live in step with the spirit. But, approval does not determine our acceptance and worth which is founded solely in God. 

2 THOUGHTS

Okay, two quick thoughts as I finish this out. Kind of random, but they go along with this topic!

1. Keep in mind people pleasing and selflessness/sacrificial love are two very different things. People pleasing is looking for that approval fix. In this, everyone else holds the power to give this person the satisfaction they think they need. It’s temporary and all consuming. Sacrificial love, on the other hand, is done FOR the other person without regard to praise for yourself. It’s what is best for the other person whether they/you like it or not.
2. Culture is working in overdrive to mold our hearts and minds to its standards. It is so important that we set our minds on things above. Keep in mind that: Whatever you prioritize, you will steward. Whatever you steward, will increase. Whatever increases in your life, will influence your behavior. And, how you behave affects your overall lifestyle and those around you. So… what are you prioritizing?

 

PRACTICAL WAYS TO QUESTION/ATTACK THIS MINDSET 

-How do I seek approval from others?

-Where is this a struggle for me in my current/near-future season?

-Who’s approval am I most likely to desire within my close circle? (family/work/friends)

-What is my plan to keep myself from falling into approval addiction??

 

love y’all!

Lydia Grace